So... I am working on my final course overview essay – not rushing, not working every night but returning and tinkering, fiddling and vacillating. I AM working. The completion certificate has arrived and I am relieved that the journey or this part is over. The re-writing of the assignment submissions is complete and I am forcing myself to be confident that I have done enough...
BUT - and there is always one of them lurking - I am not writing. I am collecting....names, snippets of observations or the odd idea of a few lines long; but nothing more is being written. It has happened before and I am wondering whether I should just chill rather than worry; because it is now, when the dust is settling, that I begin to doubt being able to take up again. I want to write - to get back into a project - but the umph! isn’t there yet.
In this off balance atmosphere, I took up something I set aside for over a year and asked a question. The Runes stones were given to me in 1987 and while I can read clearly for others – once predicting a lover for one friend and a baby for a work colleague – the readings for myself are always clouded. Hence, I only ask when it matters – never a frivolous act, to ask for answers you might not want to hear – “be careful what you wish for” my Grandmothers wise advice.
The reading was clear-ish; I get the symbolism of a fallow field in autumn and winter and how that prepares the ground before the warmth and fertility of spring - this being the judgment on my fear and the confidence that my writing energy will return; but the cold/logical side needs proof and reassurance.
I hope this is fatigue and that the visions, sparks and wincing flashes of characters and ideas have not deserted me…just until spring then.
